Dear Yuri,
My name is Jen McLaughlin. My husband and I have adopted three children that were born in Russia. While looking for articles about the orphanage abuse that occurred in late July, 2006 in Krasnoyarsk, I came across your story about the "Boys for Sale". It has had a profound affect on me. Thank you VERY MUCH for doing the research, then reporting your findings. I view the article differently than most of the folks who replied, I view it as a mom who realizes that the abused boys could have been my sons, and still could be.
In February, 2006, I contacted the Krasnoyarsk Ministry Of Education (MOE) regarding siblings of my sons' that may be in the Orphanage system. I found that my son, Patrick, has a brother who is living in a Krasnoyarsk orphanage. (That is why I was researching articles about the orphanage abuse.) Since the MOE has yet to disclose which orphanage he is in, one of the five abused could have easily been my son's brother. Since finding out about Igor, I have been desperately working on getting him home to live with his brother, my son. The immediate problem is that their birth mother has yet to terminate parental rights and the MOE cannot locate her. Due to my desire to share the rich Russian Culture and their heritage with my children, I hired a searcher who located my sons' birth families in September of 2004. He provided me with the birth mother's sisters' addresses and mother's address. So I believe she can be found.
Igor is just one of thousands that are in a similar situation, waiting for the birth mother to voluntarily terminate parental rights or for the Court to do it for her. If the Court terminates her parental rights, I understand it to be a minimum of an 18 month process, a minimum of 12 months on the "Watch List" then 6 months for the birth mom to have time to "rehabilitate" herself, this does not include any additional time needed to get Court Dates, vacation time, etc. 18 months to a child is an eternity!!! Especially when this child has parents and siblings who want to meet all of his needs and more.
Research on Post Institutionalized Children shows that for every three months that a child is in an orphanage, the child is most likely developmentally delayed by a month. For Igor, this means that he will most likely be delayed an additional six months while the Court terminates his birth mother's parental rights. If their birth mother had the law explained to her, she would be able to make an educated decision regarding Igor's future.
We have found several barriers in the United States and in Russia which face the orphaned siblings. Our situation is different than most. Instead of "There are too many orphans and not enough families", there is a group of us who have found that there are families who want to love, parent, and provide for these Orphaned Siblings, we just can't get them home. I am one parent of many that have united to change work with the U.S. and Russian governments regarding Orphaned Siblings. We are desperately wanting to bring our children's siblings home. We are starting with Russia as this is where our children were born, and plan to expand to include other countries as adoptive parents who have orphaned siblings in other countries come forward.
We would appreciate it if you would help spread the word about our group in any way possible. We would also appreciate any advice and leads that would help us reach our goal of uniting international siblings. We are open to any and all suggestions.
Thank you very much for your time. Please feel free to contact me if you would like more information or have any questions.
Sincerely,
Jen McLaughlin
www.JourneyToIgor@Yahoo.com
hi Jen,
three orphans you have adopted....that is lovely
and I think its a great idea to have an organisation for keeping adopted children together if one can
and I agree with you about the organisers of this blog
GREAT people
why dont you directly EMAIL
putin.... there is a site to
email him on
this is a great place to find out about russia and vicki versa....
JHH
australia
hi Jen,
1. how come you were not informed that one of the children had a brother ?
2. did you ask ?
3. is it compulsory for them to tell you by law
you sound like you have been researching yourself..
this is good....
and I guess its about finding out the laws on adoption in different countries
sure tough out here...
JHH australia
Hello JHH,
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my letter and respond. I certainly appreciate your interest. When we adopted sons from Krasnoyarsk in 10-99, our agency told us about Patrick's two older siblings that were still living with their biological mother. While in Krasnoyarsk, I explained to our agency facilitator that we were interested in adopting any siblings that may be in the orphanange system in the future. I also made sure that each of our 4 post placement reports for each boy stated that we were interested in adopting any siblings. I even sent a few personal letters to our facilitator and the orphange directors updating them regarding our sons' progress and reminding them that we were interested in adopting any siblings.
Personally, I have lived my entire life with only my older sister's date of birth. She was relinquished at birth. I know what it is like to grow up without knowing a family member. I was determined to do my best to make sure that my children did not have the same negative experience. I want each child to know where certain talents and abilities are from as well as which side of their biological family gave them their physical characteristics.
As I explained in my letter to Yuri, I hired a searcher to locate each of my Russian born childrens' birth families in 10-04. After meeting with Patrick's birth mom, many of my questions were answered. I also learned that since we adopted Patrick in 10-99, she had given birth and was parenting Patrick's younger brother- this is in addition to his two older siblings. I was also given many photographs of the family, including numerous ones of the birth mom. While looking at the photos, I realized Patrick's birth mom was pregnant again. She was carrying Igor, whom she gave birth to within 4 weeks of meeting the searcher. This is what led me to contacting the Krasnoyarsk MOE.
Since their birth mom is currently raising three children and Igor has been living in an orphanage for a minimum of nine months, it seems highly unlikely that the birth mom is able to parent him. Of course, if she is willing and able to parent him, this is what I want for him. He deserves to be raised with his sibling(s); in Russia or the United States and parents who will love and provide for him.
I am praying that someone will read our story and decide to help us give Igor a home and family.
It is truly our family's hearts' desire to unite Igor with his sibling. Life in an orphanage, in my opinion, is not the life for Igor- he has a family and home, we just can't figure out a way to get him here.
Please share our story with anyone that you think can help bring Igor home. We are interested in any ideas and suggestions.
Sincerely,
Jen McLaughlin
www.JourneyToIgor@yahoo.com
hi Jen,
okay I will look at your page and get back to you...
sure is hard,
dont they have condoms in russia ? or the book Everywoman
...grin
and where is the dad ?
I think as a mother she will be happy for her child being with you.....
and I personally think you are wonderful keeping some contact....
keep researching, online.... and perhaps also learn russian while you are at it....
gosh so much to do...but thats what makes life worthwhile
I have watched the odd documentary on orphanages in russian areas... try the SBS sites.... shops
I came across an european man..and australian woman years ago...
they adopted out a child hiding it....because it was not considered appropriate
years later I ran into her...and she had found him,
and he lived in the same suburb for a while... and had a wonderful family life
I laws changed to chasing up parents of adopted children.... hard to carry that around all your life
JHH
artist australia
hi im 10 and i was adopted from russia and if you can tell kids who there faimly is than email me back its hard going in life not knowing who your faimly is
Hi JHH,
Thanks again for responding. My son and his two older siblings share the same biological father. In fact, all three of them look very similar. Unfortunately, the biological father was killed in an accident while the birth mother was pregnant with my son.
I believe the birth mom's next two children, one of which is Igor, share the same biological father. I do not know where he is living.
I will follow your advice and continue trying to locate someone who is willing and able to help us unite the brothers.
Thanks so much for continuing to offer your support to us.
Sincerely,
Jen McLaughlin
www.JourneyToIgor@yahoo.com
Hi Lauren,
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. Yes, I know how difficult it is not knowing about a family member. This was one of the main reasons I hired a searcher to locate my children's families.
A close friend of mine, Mary Kirkpatrick, has gathered a team of people to help locate siblings and family members. Her website is: www.russianfamilysearch.com.
Please ask your Mom or Dad to email me if they have any questions or concerns about locating your birth family. For many reasons, it can be scary for parents to locate our children's birth families, but I believe with all my heart that it is in our children's best interests.
Please feel free to email me as well. Best of Luck to you, Lauren!!!
Sincerely,
Jen McLaughlin
www.JourneyToIgor@yahoo.com
Hello, Jen.
I'm not sure if this will help, but there is a TV program in Russia called "Find Me" or in russian it's "найди менÑ." Try it.
Actually, I made a small mistake; the program is called "zhdi menya" or "wait for me." What this program does is unites/finds lost family members, friend and who ever wants to find someone. It's a very popular program in Russia.
attached is the link to one of the success story of this program http://www.unicef.org/russia/reallives_4951.html
I found the actual website for this program
http://poisk.vid.ru/
Good Luck.
And if it is God's will for this to happen - thenit sure will! All you have to do is pray!
I'm looking for my mother, brother and siter in russia. I have not seen them for about 7 years and i want to find them were they are. could you help me in some way. PLEASE
hi i'm trying to find my brother and my siter in Russia and i have seen them for about 7 years. Please help me.
Hi,
My grandson who I am raising is attending a treatment center for teenagers. One of his classmates is a Russian adoptee called Leeza (so far no one has been able to find her real name or age). Her parents and I attend a support group...her story has touched my heart. She feels she was "thrown away" and is suffering severe psychological problems including suicide attempts. If by any miracle anyone might have any information that would help...
She was found wandering the streets in Rostov at the cross section of Stanislavskogo and Budennovskaya and taken to Rostov on Dom (“BABY HOME # 1â€)in July or August of 1993. She has been adopted by a really caring family in California and they're doing everything they can to just get some information for their daughter. Any help would be profoundly appreciated.
hi all, it seems alot of us are trying to do the best for the "adoptees" from russia. my sarragate son was adopted by ministers in the buffalo area...he came with his sister...it didn't work out for him in thier home...he ended up in residenial care in the NY system that is where i met him. now i am trying to find bio-dad-grandma-aunt and cousins...it is very hard to get any information---who was the searcher that you hired to find people in russia????
I was born in Samara, Russia in 1992, at three I had to go to an orphanage with my brother-I was in orphanages for three years-when I was six a program that helps children get adopted, chose some kids to come to US, there I was placed with a family that after 6 months decided to adopt me, and when we went back to Russia, we also found my brother and he was adopted. I have family back in Russia, 2 sisters, one brother, maybe a mother...I have been having identity issues and questioning why I was adopted and how come I am in America, and I have been researching about Russia, and seen that I am very lucky, I was born just 2 years after the fall of the soviet union and although I lived in poverty, and was taken from my birth family, sent to orphanages, I got chosen to come to the US and got adopted by a middle class family. But the parents have divorced, we've moved and it seemed the agency has just washed its hands off me, I know I am lucky and blessed, should do well in school, go to college, but I am feeling lost. Do your kids feel that way? I just don’t’ know, just want to be heard and understood, not... just told to do well…any insight?
Hey Masha,
I was born in St. Petersburg in 1990 and adopted in June of '92. I've had a lot of the same feelings as you have--not knowing where I belong, wondering what my purpose is, trying to do as best as I could in school so that my parents would love me, etc. I never really had anyone to talk to about these feelings other than my brother. I guess that's where I lucked out. We were adopted at the same time from the same orphanage (not related though). We have a lot of the same feelings and I guess I find comfort in that. For me there's really no getting over the feeling of loss from being adopted. I know I'll never find my birth family. But I've found some closure in surrounding myself in all things Russian (music, movies, magazines). I also just started taking a Russian language course at college. Instead of focussing on that feeling of not belonging I decided to appreciate my heritage and make it part of my identity. Hope that helps some.